I'm Not That Girl
by PinkieKing
Summary: Raven is in love with Beast Boy, but knows his heart belongs to Terra. Songfic using "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked, but it's actually going to be a multi-chapter story that uses the lyrics sparingly. Eh, you'll see what I mean if you read. All chapters revised 8/3/12 **I don't own Wicked or the Teen Titans. Just sayin'**
1. Hands Touch, Eyes Meet

"Sleep, my Bella."

I stretched an ash grey hand out for the remote, never lifting my violet eyes from the spellbook I held in my lap.

But instead of the cool plastic of the remote, I felt a warm fabric brush against my hand. My arm shot with an electric pulse, but I didn't jerk away. Instead, I looked up to discover our hands overlapping each other on top of the remote.

My gaze flicked from our hands to your deep emerald eyes, which immediately became locked with mine. I felt the electricity in my arm fade into a warm tingle, which then spread to my reddening cheeks. Though the movie had been bothering before, I didn't even notice it now; Everything had fallen into silence.

_Hands touch. Eyes meet. Sudden silence, sudden heat. _

I felt my heartbeat speed up as I desperately tried to keep myself under control. I was supposed to be in control of my emotions! Reacting so hugely to something so small could be dangerous.

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl. He could be that boy…_

The spellbook slid off my lap and landed on the floor with a loud "Shlump!" I tore my eyes from yours and exhaled deeply, thankful that whatever spell I'd just been under had been broken. The sounds of the movie, which I found, to my horror, was still on some romantic scene, came rushing back to my ears.

"Would you turn that noise off?" I snapped, leaning over to grab the thick book.

Out of my peripheral I saw you blink once, twice, as if you were still hypnotized.

"What?" you finally asked with a quick shake of your head.

I sat back up, setting the book beside me, and held up the remote with magic. I telekinetically pressed the power button and at last turned off the movie.

"Oh, that," you said in your raspy little-boy voice. "Hehe…"

I felt my cheeks growing hot again as you grew so adorably embarrassed, so I quickly threw my hood over my head, effectively hiding my blush, and stood. Just as I did so, I heard the mechanical hiss of the automatic doors opening.

"Heeeey!" a familiar female voice yelled.

"Terra!" you shouted back in greeting. I watched in silence as you leapt over the couch, rushing towards your beloved.

It was at that moment that I decided it would be better for me to read in my room than out here. I turned on my heels and prepared to leave through the same doors the blonde Titan was just sauntering through.

"I'm going to my room," I announced flatly. Hearing no response, I began gliding forward, struggling to suppress my emotions. Jealousy, rage, embarrassment, love... they were all having a shouting match inside my mind.

As I neared the doors, I looked over my shoulder, just briefly. You had your green arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace, and upon your lips was a huge smile that couldn't be contained. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch upward as I felt my eyes pool with salty tears.

_But I'm not that girl._

I took a step into the dark hall, allowing the darkness to swallow me up as the doors hissed shut behind me. In my head, all was silent.


	2. Don't Dream Too Far

Reading, I found, would be more of a challenge than I'd originally thought. I'd start in on a paragraph just fine, usually getting through the first sentence without trouble. However, by the second or third sentence, my mind began to wander back to you and Terra. My eyes continued to work over the page, seeing words, but my mind didn't process them. It was wrapped tightly around my predicament with you, much like how I was wrapped around your finger.

_Don't dream too far._

After rereading the paragraph on reversing the effects of hypnosis a dozen times, I slammed the book shut and shoved it off my bed. It was obvious I wouldn't be getting any further than I already had. Not in the sorry state I was in.

I hunched forward in my cross-legged position, letting my fingers find their way to my temples and begin rubbing in delicate circles. "What are you doing, Raven?" I scolded myself.

My eyes opened and my hands fell away from my head. I glanced up, meeting my own gaze in the mirror built into my vanity. The eyes I looked into were not my own.

_Don't lose sight of who you are._

They looked far too vulnerable—they gave too much away about their owner. And they were glistening. Tears? When had they appeared? My brow furrowed as I continued to stare into my own unfamiliar eyes. "You're weak," I spat my reflection, who mouthed the words back.

I broke my own stare, looking down at my bedspread, which was, like almost everything in my room and even in my heart, jet black. I traced a small heart into the silky fabric and hesitated for a second before drawing a slash through it.

_Don't remember that rush of joy._

_He could be that boy; I'm not that girl. _

"Hey, Rae," you greeted solemnly (if it was even possibly for you to be solemn) as you sat beside me on the couch. I was, as usual, holding a book, though it was one I didn't recognize. I must have forgotten I had this one.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sounding a little less interested than I actually was. I was more interested in the title of the book, which read "Creating Dreamscapes"

"I broke up with Terra."

This caused my eyes to widen slightly. "Really?" I acknowledged with a raised eyebrow. My heart pounded in my chest, but I was actually managing to keep my cool on the outside. Bravo, self.

"Yeah," your ears twitched and your brow furrowed as you turned to half-face me. "I guess I realized she wasn't the right girl for me, and—" you stopped.

"And?" I prompted in my usual flat voice.

"And, I think I know who is," you finished, now turned fully towards me.

I looked up from the book and turned to face you too. My face, thankfully, hadn't changed from its blank emotional slate.

"And who would that b—"

Without warning, you leapt forward and kissed me. I felt your gloved hands slide around my waist as you pressed your lips on mine. I hesitated, still wondering if this was some sort of trick, some cruel prank you'd set up with Cyborg. But I figured you two wouldn't be quite _that _cruel with your jokes. Still, I was cautious as I wrapped my arms around your neck. As I did so, I felt you smile. You pulled back just a centimeter or so."It's okay, Rae. For once in my life I'm being serious," you assured me, having seemed to read my thoughts.

I smiled back and you closed the distance again, but there was one last test for me to perform. From behind your neck, I pushed up the sleeve on my left arm and pinched hard.

My eyes opened to a dark room.

_Every so often we long to steal to the land of what might have been._

I lifted a hand up and brushed my fingers across my bottom lip. "It was a dream," I whispered. I then rolled onto my side, tucking my legs to my chest. "It was a dream," I whimpered.

_But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in. _


	3. Blithe Smile, Lithe Limb

My stomach ruined my moment of self pity by rumbling rather loudly. I'd skipped out on lunch earlier, so how long had it been since I'd last eaten?

I squinted through my bleary, sleep-ridden vision towards the clock. The glowing green numbers read 8:37pm—I'd been asleep for two hours, somehow managing to wake up at a suitable hour for eating dinner.

I heaved myself into a sitting position and threw my legs over the side of the bed. Then I stood, straightening my rumpled cape and making my way for the door. I paused, however, when I heard a gentle tapping, followed by a voice.

"Raaaaaven!" a voice called, both inside and outside of my head. "We need to talk to you!"

I crossed to my vanity and looked at the mirror I used as a portal into my mind. It had been fixed since the incident involving you and Cyborg.

The corners of my mouth curled up slightly at the memory. It had been painful, and it had been challenging, but I managed to tuck away the hateful beast within my mind—something you were forced to do as well when Adonis showed up.

Shaking away the memory and looking into the mirror, I saw Happy, Rage, Wisdom, Sorrow, and other various emotions all pushed up against the glass' surface. That unfortunately meant they were also pushing against the sides of my head. I squeezed my eyes shut at the uncomfortable sensation this caused.

As soon as they saw me peering into the mirror, they all began talking.

"Stop it," I murmured. My words were drowned out by the babbling of my emotions, whose volume had steadily increased from normal talking to a dull roar. I pumped up my own volume to match. "STOP IT!"

They stopped.

Wisdom was the first to speak individually. "Raven, we need to have a word."

"Can this wait?" I asked flatly, my stomach growling faintly again.

"Let the girl eat!" Hungry interjected.

Wisdom turned to give Hungry a sharp look over the rim of her glasses before turning back to me. "Now," she said with a judicial finality that told me the matter would not be discussed any further.

Well, at least if I talked with my emotions maybe they wouldn't decide to manifest themselves so much.

"Fine," I said with slight amusement. I sat myself down on the carpet at the foot of m bed, crossed my legs, placed my hands on my knees, and began to chant, "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos." I felt myself leave the flooring of my room, hovering in the air and darkness for a few moments before feeling a much harder surface replace my floor. I opened my eyes and stood, having entered my own mind.

I was surrounded in an instant by my own emotions, all trying to tell me their personal nugget of wisdom. I couldn't pick out a single word even if I tried, so I referred back to my earlier method of trying to get them to shut up.

"STOP IT!" I shouted again, dark magic erupting from my hands. Once again, all noise stopped. The black flames died out as I closed my eyes and calmed down.

"Atta girl," I heard Rage say with pride.

I opened my eyes again and looked around at all the various robe colors surrounding me. "One at a time," I said levelly.

Jealousy spoke up first, her emerald robe glistening. "What makes Terra so special?" What does she have that we don't?"

At this point Honesty stepped in. "Well, for one thing she smiles on a regular basis."

_Blithe smile._

"And she's surprisingly graceful in her awkward moments," Admiration added thoughtfully.

_Lithe limb._

Sorrow stepped up, "Oh it's hopeless. She's so perfect. She's blonde with ice-blue eyes. She's skinny and graceful and funny and smiley. Everything we're not. She's beautiful."

_She who's winsome, she wins him._

Confusion nudged her way through the crowd. "What's her hair color got to do with this?"

_Gold hair with a gentle curl._

Sorrow shrugged listlessly. "What does it matter?" she replied. "We're not her. We never will be."

_That's the girl he chose. _

_And heaven knows I'm not that girl._

* * *

**Author's Note: **

So I somehow managed to make this chapter the same exact length as the other one. Just thought that was cool.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I promise there will be more. I plan on doing the entire song, but I'll be gone for a few days. I'll see if I can do another chapter tonight to tide the few of you who are actually reading this over, though.

ALSO, I know that 'The Beast Within' was in season 3, and Terra became as tone statue in the season 2 finale. Just.. deal with it. -.-


	4. Don't Wish, Don't Start

****UPDATED 8/3/12****

**Sorry folks, the final chapter will have to wait until next Thursday (if the internet is on). I wrote up the chapter at my dad's house, but the internet was down so I couldn't post it. Now I'm at my mom's until Thursday and I really don't want to rewrite that whole thing. **

**So, you'll just have to wait a few days. Sorry :'( In the meantime, enjoy this updated chapter. **

* * *

Sorrow continued with her speech. "We shouldn't love someone who has already found their perfect match. There's no logic behind it whatsoever. The only thing that can come of it is heartbreak."

_Don't wish. Don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart._

_I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl. _

"Why do we even love him?" She turned with a flare of her deep grey cape, causing everyone to jump back with a small start. Sorrow wasn't known for quick movements, seeing as she was typically sulking in the outskirts of the group. "Can anyone tell me why we're doomed to love someone who'd never return our feelings?" She then made purposeful eye contact with as many emotions as she could, challenging them to answer her question. Wisdom looked back at Sorrow stoically, but didn't speak up. Rage lowered both eyebrows and huffed annoyedly, but also remained silent. Even Knowledge couldn't provide any help, stuttering a few syllables before simply shrugging.

"Why?" a voice suddenly spoke from the back of the group. The crowd parted, making way for a rose-robed Raven.

"Love," I mumbled, identifying the serene-looking girl immediately.

The soft pink fabric of Love differed greatly from that of the magenta-robed Happy and the bright purple of Lust, who flanked Love on either side.

"Because he makes us happier than anything else can," Happy propositioned. Several emotions nodded.

"He's damn hot," added Lust with a smirk.

Every single eye turned to Lust, including mine. A blush that matched Rage's scarlet robe blossomed across my cheeks, however, as I came to the realization that I was listening to my own subconscious thoughts.

"What? You all know it's true," Lust retorted.

"Anywaaay," Love said, extending the end of the word to emphasize the awkward moment whilst bringing the conversation back on track. "We love Beast Boy. That much we can all say is true."

"I asked why," Sorrow interjected quietly, but without any hint of anger.

Love and Wisdom both shot Sorrow stern looks, causing the grey-robed girl's eyes to well up with tears. The normal Sorrow was back, apparently.

"Why… Does anyone know why love even exists? Love is a deeper emotion than anyone really understands—even I don't fully understand myself," Love continued, gesturing towards herself slightly. "But there's got to be a method the madness that is love, right?" More nodding from others.

Love began walking down the aisle the parted emotions had created, slowly making her way towards me until she was just inches away from my face. Love looked into my eyes and asked, "Why do you love him?"

I looked down as I tried to think of something to say. "Look at me," Love instructed. I looked up, our twin eyes locking. In the reflection of her pupils I saw every perfect memory of you and I, but not through my own eyes— through yours. There you were, teasing me, poking at my emotions, tugging at my heartstrings. I all saw it through your eyes, feeling your emotions.

They began innocently at first— friendship, happiness. But as the memories played on, tension and anxiety began to appear, slowly growing until finally there came the moment just a few hours ago when an emotion who no one, according to her, truly understood manifested itself…

I jerked back, away from Love, and landed on my back— hard. I opened my eyes, gasping for breath, and saw I was back in my room.

I scrambled to my feet and ran to the door. I looked back over my shoulder as it slid open to make sure it wasn't too late at night for something so crazy. Luckily for me, it was only 8:57 (20 minutes for an epiphany-awesome) I didn't even think to stop moving until I felt myself collide with something.

"Whoa," you said, staggering back a few steps but managing to keep your balance.

I whipped my head around so it was facing forward again, surprised to see the exact person I was about to search for standing just outside my door.

"Why were you—"

But just like in the dream, I was cut off mid-sentence by your lips on mine.

And as much as I didn't want to, I pulled away. "Dammit," I hissed. "I fell asleep again." I squeezed my eyes shut and began furiously pinching the inside of my wrist. When they opened again, you were still in front of me, hurt and confusion plain on your boyish face.

"Raven, what are you talking about? I came here because I—"

Now it was my turn to cut you off, though I chose to do so in the form of talking. "Love me." I completed. You returned my statement with a look of confusion.

"How'd you—"

"Long story," I said with a dismissive wave of my hand. You crooked an eyebrow in curiosity, so I quickly tapped a finger against my skull and mimed talking with my hands. You giggled, which I took to mean you understood my hand symbols.

I then looked into your eyes for the second time today, turning completely serious again as I slowly said, "I love you too, Beast Boy."

Your giggle was cut short, replaced by astonishment, which was quickly chased away by a huge grin.

I felt a faint smile creep onto my own lips as you wrapped me in a tight hug. But it was a short-lived one, as a thought crossed my mind.

"What about Terra?"

You pushed me to arms' length and looked at me in a way that was almost confused—like I was missing something obvious. "We broke up." You said.

"Why?"

The answer you supplied made my mouth hang slightly ajar.

"I guess I realized she wasn't the right girl for me, and I think I know who is," you perfectly quoted my dream from just two hours ago, even down to the one word that didn't completely satisfy me.

"Think?" I asked.

"Yeah, wait, no. I _know _who is," you corrected yourself, taking my hand in your gloved one.

I closed my mouth and smiled again, pulling you closer to finish the kiss I'd interrupted.


	5. I'm Not That Girl

"I'm sorry," you said, gloved hands outstretched, your eyes searching mine almost pleadingly as if begging me to understand. "I'm so, so sorry. It's just—"You paused to look down, scrunching your face into a mask of guilt. "You aren't the one for me."

And then, in a blur of green, you were gone, leaving a vacant seat on the couch.

I sat still for a moment, unsure of what to do. In the end I decided to just hug my knees. It seemed like the most appropriate physical display of my emotions, which were, well, not what I would have anticipated.

Rather than hurt, jealousy, anger, and all those other crazy emotions any other girl would've felt if they'd been in my place, I instead felt a hollow sense of relief, trailed by just a hint of loss. I'd been expecting the breakup for a long time. I was even a bit shocked it took so long; remind me to add shock to my list of off-kilter breakup emotions.

I guess I was just tired of having the tension between Raven and I. Though her emotions would normally be held under lock and key behind that ever-stoic face of hers, lately she'd been like an open book. And it had been obvious to me for a long time that you'd loved Raven in return. It just took you a bit longer to figure it out for yourself.

I tucked a stray golden hair behind my ear and rested my cheek on my knee, letting a small sigh escape my lips. _Finally I can sleep peacefully,_ I thought, looking on the bright side. _Is it late enough to sleep yet? _

I lifted my head off my knee and squinted towards the small digital clock below the TV. The red numbers glared 8:57pm. _Yeah, I guess it's late enough. _

I unwound my arms from around my knees and stood up with a huge stretch. I exited the common room and began making my way towards my own room—the one that used to belong to Silky.

I decided my sleep would have to wait, however, when I heard voices. They sounded like they came just around the corner I was about to turn, yet I couldn't make out what they were saying.

I slid against the wall on the inside of the turn and slowly peeked around the corner.

You were there with Raven. I couldn't hear exactly what you were saying, but I assumed from your nervous expression and twitchy ears—something I knew happened when you were scared—that you were finally telling her what needed to be said.

And then I saw you two kiss each other. I slid back against the wall, allowing my eyes to well up just a little; finally, a normal reaction to something. Yet at the same time, I felt my lips curl into a smile. I was surprisingly happy for just having come out of a breakup, albeit a long-anticipated one. I was happy for you. I was happy for Raven. I knew, too, that the atmosphere in the tower would shift away from the blanket of uneasiness that I felt had settled. I was happy about that, as I'm sure everyone else would be.

_There's a girl I know…_

I turned to walk back the way I had come. I could just ride a rock around to my window and go in that way. Not only would it spare the three of us an extremely awkward—or awkward for you two at least—moment, but I'd be able to get some fresh air as well.

_He loves her so…_

Once again I felt myself smiling. I knew I would be smiling as long as you two were happy. It was a promise I'd made with myself long ago, and it was one I intended to keep.

_I'm not that girl._

**THE END.**

**This is Terra's POV by the way. Just in case you didn't figure that out x)**

**Ha! I did it! My first fanfic— well, songfic. But it still counts! **

**Anyway thank you for your continued support. I really hope you enjoyed the story and I beg your forgiveness for having such a big gap between the 4****th**** chapter and this final one. **

**I hope to have another story up soon but I'm lazy and really bad at coming up with ideas . So, yeah. Thanks again!**

**~Pinkiekeen**


End file.
